now you know it's bad when you get two posts from me in the same day! I am lucky to do two posts in a month. But her logic has me going insane!

we are BROKE.. I mean broke down to not paying bills.. but she wants to go buy stupid spray paint for my brothers art class that he ONLY needed tonight. When I heard her say she wanted wings from the local buffalo wing place I made a comment to say I was going, well then her tune changed to bring back a pizza. I am so sick of them eating out all the fucking time and I get stuck with a can of green beans or pasta with no butter. why did I do this? why?!

Don't even get me started on their FUCKING animals, 4 cats, and 5 dogs, the dogs piss and shit everywhere, while the cats go in two boxs but it never gets cleaned out. I know that since Im not working I do the cleaning, but I FUCKING REFUSE to clean the cat shit boxes or do their laundry!! REFUSE!! I will mop up dog piss and shit but not those fucking shit boxes!

So we having a garage sale tomorrow to get money, well she wants to put it up to make more crafts.. (crafts that I am FUCKING making.. not her) I want my own money.. I want to split the profit three ways, one for me, one for her, and one for the crafts.. but what the fuck do I know.. Im just a 40 year old who has three degrees, and she is a 25 year old who has never even been to college! Im so sick of everything! From the DOGS to the SMELL to the BULLSHIT!

it hasn't even been a month yet...god I have to find a job and get me and my dogs out of here!! please if you are there hear me! I need you this time, I need you more than Ive ever needed you!

you are still there right?

cherin~
losing my mind along with my hope!


EDIT: so the twenty bucks in the craft jar is now 3.25 cause she wanted to eat out.. my patience is to the point of breaking!!!!! and what do I get to eat? you asked? nothing again..

I understand the expression 'pulling my hair out' means. Because she has me doing it by the fists full. I am SO TIRED of hearing how 'depressed' she is ALL the fucking time! I have been dianosignsed with bi-polar since I was in the third grade.

now I have spent a week making wreaths to sale and she wants to give them to her mom so her mom can give them to her friends. so this leaves me with less than an hundred bucks in my account while they eat out for lunch and supper each day.

I am seriously thinking this was a mistake. She is driving me nutts, I so sick of her complaining and bitching about this and that.. and I have to keep quit because this is her house, what do I do?

I don't remember at 25 knowing everything like she does. I am almost 40 and I guess Im stupid and don't know half of what she does and I have three degrees!!! go figure.

why do I do this? I could end it all and just let my dogs live with them and I wouldn't have to live tormented like this. I think I will go to bed.. Im so tried of living a lie, no where i live helps.. this life was not meant for me. I don't think if I end it then I won't have to do this anymore.

cheirn~
pills in one hand and a gun in another