I overheard a man and woman talking, and he said "all his hope has died and I don't know how to comfort him."  is this what has happened to me? is that a possible thing that can happen? how does one's hope die? do they kill it, or just let it die a slow and suffering death? Can hope be resusatated? is there hope for a flatline hope? lol okay that one made me chuckle. 

its becoming more and more difficult to hold the tears back, I laid away all night and just let them fall. Now my eyes are puffy and looks as if I had been socked in the face. no one says anything, they barely make eye contact anymore. Im just the pathethic loser that is sucking up the happiness in the left hand corner. 

I watched a movie last night about jumpes on the golden gate bridge. watching them fall to their death, I would gasp. but not for their lost lives, but for the freedom they achieved. how did they build up the courage? now much more dread do I have to carry before I let go and find my freedom. 

I know you are not there. I don't feel you anymore.. is this a good or a bad thing???

cherin~

wondering what the wind of freedom feels like.

sometimes I wish I had some kind of terminal illness, maybe it would be easier to accept this life, if I were losing it.

Maybe that is wrong of me, I just can't find any other way to put words to it. I wish I could absorb someone's illness so they could live with their love ones. So they can be happy, and live a life they want. While I drift through one I don't.

only a few more months and then maybe something good will come from this horrid life.

I believe in reincarnation, but do we get to choose where we go? no I don't think so. sometimes my other lives seep through and I see something. I feel you in the room when I know you aren't. I miss you so much and days seem to get longer and longer without you.

this path that has been chosen for me is a bumpy one, will it help me in the next?

will that crossroad come in time?

iloveyou

cherin~
rambling in the darkness of my own mind.